Microwave Massacre stars Jackie Vernon, the iconic voice of Rankin/Bass’s “Frosty The Snowman”.
“Happy Birthday..!” Yes, that voice.
This culinary skid row creep show haunted video store bottom shelves for most of the 80s, and I rented it more times than I care to admit. It was always there for me when my first choice was off gallivanting with other renters.
Under the flickering fluorescent lights of the horror section, it’s the kind of movie that promises illicit gory thrills and salaciously dark laughs. It’s rather seductive…
But it’s the sort of low shelf-esteem rental you don’t bring home to mama.
What you actually take back to your place is a bargain basement Karo syrup-flavoured butter-farce that’ll leave you sitting on the couch covered in Doritos crumbs and wishing you made better choices in life. Again and again.
The most memorable part of the movie might be the beautifully lurid box art that almost feels like a tarted-up EC comics cover, but that’s not to say Microwave Massacre won’t show you a good time. It has plenty of personality and it tries very hard to please – but it’s best enjoyed with beer goggles and a hint of desperation.
And I for one keep coming back for more. -Pop