There’s nothing especially scandalous about I Don’t Buy Kisses Anymore. That’s maybe why it disappeared.
Released on Home Video in August of 1992, it’s a minor-key, Woody Allen-lite rom-dram about a man who loses weight to impress a woman, only to realise he may be losing more than just the pounds in the process.
By the time it hit VHS, Seinfeld was growing into a juggernaut – but not fast enough to help the rental. No front-cover mention of the show, no “starring George from Seinfeld” splash, just a one-line credit buried on the back.
The box itself is an awkward full-body promo shot of Alexander and Nia Peeples on a white background. He’s practically hiding in plain sight under a baggy sports coat, seen in profile with an unconvincing toupee – practically indistinguishable. It reads like a subtle attempt to echo Pretty Woman, and maybe it was. That style would become rom-com shorthand for box art in the ’90s. At the time, though, Pretty Woman was still Alexander’s most recognisable credit – this side of a legendary McDonald’s ad.
But Seinfeld hadn’t peaked yet, and this movie didn’t matter. It quickly became an ex-rental cheapie, the kind of tape you’d find lining a discount wire bin.
I’m not sure if it’s ever had a domestic DVD release. The film was fine, a little slight, not especially toned. The weight-loss angle hasn’t aged well, but it wasn’t out of place at the time. Body change as proof of personal growth was a standard plot device that raised no eyebrows. Back then, changing yourself to win someone over still counted as effort… and just being yourself didn’t get you anywhere in life.
If it had landed a year later, with a Seinfeld push or a better hook, maybe it would’ve made an impact. Or maybe not.
Either way, the tape is still out there somewhere – another fuzzy snapshot of the early ’90s filed under romance. -Pop