I know, it’s hard to believe this is real. The box promised action, music, killer ninjas, world-in-peril antics, and Dice Clay cracking wise and punching heads. It looked like it might be the next big cult sleeper – something halfway between Big Trouble In Little China and Hudson Hawk.
Seriously, that title is pure cult-bait.
And the film does its damndest to live up to it. It sells itself as an oh-so ironic 90s romantic action comedy, but it plays like a soft parody of a movie that doesn’t exist. There’s a bit of meta edge, no real satire. Just a straight-faced romance tangled in martial arts (not ninja) hijinks and cable-TV action logic. That title does most of the heavy lifting.
To be fair, director Albert Pyun knew how to stretch a dollar and shoot fast. He’d already carved out a niche with slick low-budget genre flicks that hit harder than they should – Radioactive Dreams and Dangerously Close are particular favourites. This might not be his sharpest work, but it’s stylish, quick, and occasionally catches an infectious rhythm – especially when it stops trying and just lets Dice hit people.
And speaking of Andrew, by ‘93, Clay was already on the slope. This was post-Ford Fairlane, pre-self-parody. But here he plays it straight – or at least tries to. There’s no nursery rhyme filth or arena swagger, he’s just an actor putting on a performance. I dug this Dice.
I remember it getting a bit of chatter when Lois & Clark hit big and fans realised there was another Teri Hatcher flick buried on the action shelf next to Tango and Cash. And while the film’s loaded with familiar faces, she’s a big part of what makes this movie tick.
The quirky title seemed designed to throw a swift rental one-two punch from the new release wall before disappearing into the soft welcoming arms of cult appreciation. It did neither. And in the end, it didn’t leave much of a mark.
The film never fully achieves what the title implies, but it still delivers a solid entertainment wallop. It’s got rom. It’s got com. It’s got guts. It might not be spectacular, but it’s real.